Why do you exist? I know it’s a harsh question… but I’m still curious. All my life I’ve gone through the motions, looking at the clock so I know when to move on to the next thing. I know what time to wake up in the morning for school, I know what time all my classes end, I know what time to leave school… the list goes on and on – but how am I supposed to know when all of that time is spent? I believe that when we are born, the length of our life is pre determined in our genetic makeup, and with each harmful thing we do to our body (or that is done to us) our time decreases. I wish I knew when I was exactly going to die, but then again, I don’t.
What makes me say this? Well, part of me wants to know because I want to make the most out of the time I have left. It will make me thrive for more things and spend more time doing the things I want to achieve. I feel that if anyone knew the time of their death, those unrealistic dreams will become less and less unrealistic, until they are finally within reach. I would know that no matter what I do or where I go, I will be safe… until the time does come.
But then again, knowing the time of your death can be taken in many different ways and you might not always like the answer. Imagine that no matter what you did, you will die tomorrow, or in just a few short years. You know that feeling you get in your stomach on a Sunday night? That dread of going to school tomorrow? That’s exactly how the rest of my life would feel like. Forget about unrealistic dreams… anything that would take any long amount of time to accomplish at all would be deemed completely unobtainable. My motivation would be lost and I would probably live out the rest of my days in bed… waiting and crying.
I fear not having enough time. I can admit that. There are so many things that I have become passionate about and dropped because there simply isn’t enough time to accomplish all of my dreams. I fear that when I’m in my death bed I will be alone because time has eaten away at my friends and family, and that my time had been poorly spent.
So if you were to ask me now, if I wanted to know the time of my death I would say no… because in life, you should be looking forward to living, not dreading the moment of death.
-Sincerely, Tyler Shanley